[caption id="" align="alignright" width="250" caption="US Border Patrol on the lookout for hidden fireplaces."]
[/caption]Nogales, Ariz.–– The U.S. covers it all: the air, the water, the ground, and, recently, underground. But, still, smugglers are finding a way through U.S. border patrol and into the other side where they reap large profits from exploiting marijuana, cocaine, and heroin addicts all over the US.
Recent cement plugging of underground tunnels under the US-Mexico border incited authorities to wonder just how the hell smugglers are getting past the Border Patrol.
After several months of intensive research, former President George W. Bush thinks he may have figured it out. “Easy. Floo powder.”
Floo powder, as defined by allwords.com, is “Harry Potter stuff”. Wikipedia defines the mysterious substance as “a glittering powder used by wizards to travel and communicate using fireplaces. It was invented by Ignatia Wildsmith (1227-1320) and named after the flue, which is the passageway that leads from a fireplace to the chimney so hot gases can escape”.
The former President explained his motives for tackling the hefty project, “After hearing about how nothing was working to stop the immigration, sorry, drug smuggling into the country, I thought I would take matters into my own hands. You can never trust the media for answers like that.”
According to Laura Bush, George’s wife, George had been “working diligently, almost obsessively on the topic.”
“He only stops periodically to feed and play with his Tomagotchi, or maybe do some light coloring if he’s particularly stuck on an issue.”
[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption=""Could somebody please get me a pair of sunglasses." Via Wikipedia"]
[/caption]Laura explained how George W had spent countless hours this past summer searching deep into new methods of travel, as well as drug trade progression throughout recent years. Also, weapons of mass destruction.
“I came across one collection of material by a certain J.K. Rowling. New to me, Rowling presented some revolutionary ideas, one of which, floo powder, really grabbed my attention. I just hope Ron doesn’t die in the next book.”
Prominent democratic leader and speaker of the house, Nancy Pelosi, finds flaw in Bush’s reasoning, “Rowling would never kill Ron, it would not be good for overall plot development, and, therefore, sale of her books.”
As for the Nogales police department, they are in a stalemate, according to Police Chief Jeff K. They will continue to search for boats, tunnels, and maybe, ultimately, hidden fireplaces.
“We aren’t ruling it out as a possibility,” Jeff stated.
Some, however, aren’t so sure of future operations on the Border.
“Fuck it,” replied Kevin H, Border Patrol agent, when asked what might be going on in the smuggling conflict, “If I had a choice, the government would just charge a fee for smugglers wanting to bring narcotics or marijuana into the US. It’s a free country.”
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